Alright, guys, this is a life/stream/other things update blog. I haven’t done one of these in so long. But I want to be real with you guys.
So, lets kinda jump back a few months here.
Ok, So I had a time where I didn’t stream very often. The streams were barely once per month. I feel like you guys deserve an answer to that. Now I’m not going to make excuses as to why I was not streaming, but I hope to shed some light on what was going on with me during that time.
So let’s jump over to March
I had been having issues with being at school. The issues hadn’t gotten better and things were just rough. I will say that what happened to me mentally, and emotionally was very scary. It caused me to fall into a state of feeling very defeated and I felt like everything I did was useless and I felt worthless and I had nowhere to go. Some of the issues I had also were disheartening. I was put into positions that I never wanted to be in and when they were brought to people as things I didn’t want to do, it was simply brushed off and told I needed to just do it anyways, even though I was paying to do and learn something else.
So that was part of my frustration.
Another thing is that being here, I’ve noticed that the environment here is very toxic to creativity. I remember I used to take photos all the time and I would love making videos and streaming for you guys, but being here, I lost that passion and I honestly didn’t care about what I was doing anymore. I felt like what I was doing didn’t matter. So I took some time off, unofficially, from being creative. I stopped taking photos, I stopped wanting to make videos, and more importantly, I stopped streaming. I did what I needed to with streaming to make sure I stayed connected with you guys. But I also unplugged from discord almost completely. I didn’t feel like facing the things that I left behind because of the way I was feeling.
While I took my time off, I finally got to a point where I wanted to be creative again, but I didn’t know where to start. I was lost and I was honestly really hurt because people I thought I could trust, I found out I couldn’t. I honestly, to this day, don’t know what made me come back. I still feel frustrated with school and to be honest, I don’t see myself staying here for much longer. I can’t sit here feeling this way constantly. Feeling like what I do doesn’t matter.
While I was on my break I was reminded of my favorite quote. “Around here, we don’t stay still for very long, we keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… And curiosity keeps leading us down new paths” – Walt Disney
I am working daily to take those words to heart and really live by them.
So I guess here we are today. When I noticed that the Corporate Clash launch was getting close I wanted to be part of that again. So I started talking to people again and slowly began using discord again. And Let me just say now, those of you that I kept talking to while I was on my break, you know who you are, but you have no idea how much you helped me throughout the last few months. I started interacting with you guys more and I realized how much I missed you guys. At the end of the day, you all are family to me! I missed talking to you. So I know that things aren’t going to improve overnight, but I am more amped than ever to be making content on twitch again.
In the coming months, my goal is to leave where I’m at and get a job working full time doing production work. I don’t know what that will entail, but we’ll figure it out. Who knows, maybe streaming will become a job 😉
But for now, I’m going to be keeping up with the streaming schedule that I have set in place
Monday: 5:30 PM CST
Tuesday: 5:30 PM CST
Thursday: 5:30 PM CST
Friday: 5:30 PM CST
(random streams on other days I’m able to).
I would like to maybe start making let’s play videos again. I asked some of you guys if you’d want to see them and some of you said yes, other’s said you prefer just streams because it’s more interactive. I totally get that, We will probably be experimenting with different things in the future.
As far as my personal life is concerned. I really don’t know what’s next. So much could happen in the next few months and I’m excited to see where things end up. I can’t wait to share all the new experiences with you guys!
Did I mention that the minecraft server is being redone? Oh yeah. That’s happening. I can’t give too many details yet, but I think you guys will really like it! I’ll update you guys as soon as I can with more information!
Anywho, I hope this kinda gave a bit of insight into the last few months. I didn’t give as much info as I have in relation to what all happened to me during the last few months, but I hope you kinda get what I’m saying and know that I care about you guys so much. I’m ready to take on this new season of streaming.
Well, here’s the end of another blog post. Kinda ranted a bit. I hope you guys see a bit of transpaency with what’s been going on with me. Let’s do this thing fam!
Remember, Stay Freaky! Be Awesome & Be You!
Love you guys!